4/29/22

moving out

i'm sitting in journalism doing nothing with a sub and the baseball teams gone. all i can really think about is June 4th. yesterday we sat down at the table and planned it out. i feel like i could be making a big mistake, but i know that self doubt is big here. yesterday i really felt like i got to my parents and laid out my ambitions. and honestly i believe that's what made them decide any of this was okay. they don’t want me to go anywhere, they think it's too soon. but if someone isn't chasing their craft then they aren't living. i have to truly believe this 100%. when i move i need my mindset to change, in fact my mindset needs to change before i get there. and it has been. moving in a state of not caring for almost my whole life has left me with a mind open to possibilities but also has put me in a place of laziness, i cannot continue this state of drought.

things are changing because they must. when i throw myself out there and create with my own resources, it can create a mind of beauty. it can lead me to what i want to do for the rest of my days. just like jack said, this is the pre-work. you must prepare the workplace, without the operating table the surgeon cannot perform. it would be wrong to think once i stepped through those new home doors my mind is going to change to being instantly motivated. this is the quest. the quest to achieve unchained creation. i want to be there now, i strive for it. something about this makes me feel like i'm going to have to learn how to think again. i am hungry for minds alike. for people to bounce off of. im going to lunch now. irl- not to cannibalize people :)